Have you ever wanted or desired something so bad that it became a burden? It can be a job we desperately want, a contract we want, a deal we want to make, a life which we believe someone else has and we want as well, or a company we would do anything to have as our client.
Of course it is sometimes good to have something you want be or somewhere you want to reach in terms of having motivation to progress, but when longing for something becomes a fixation and the longing in itself obstructs our everyday life, making our days heavy and burdensome, the desire has become an unhealthy obsession that no longer serves its purpose of gently pushing us forward.
We no longer think clearly and even more importantly, having our minds clouded like this will make us miss other opportunities that come our way since we are blinded by where we think we want to go instead.
Things are not always what they seem
But is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence?
Perhaps. But perhaps not.
What we know for certain is that we most likely have a slightly unbalanced picture of what it would be like attaining that thing we desire so desperately. Therefore, let’s give ourselves a more nuanced version of our dream, which will enable us to make more sober decisions regarding where we should head from now on, be it in our personal life, our career or in terms of where the business is heading.
Today I want to share an exercise which has helped me several times in situations where I have longed desperately for something I did not have. Speaking for myself, it has most frequently concerned something immaterial, such as having my life structured in a particular way. (By the way, my earliest memory of wanting something is being ten years old and devastated because I believed that I would never play the key-harp; something I have now done for 30 years.)
This usually works for me. Perhaps it will help you as well.
- First of all, write down as clearly as you possibly can what it is your heart desires.
- After you have done this, write down what would be so wonderful about receiving it. Write freely for as long as you can and feel like it.
- Here comes the fun part. Now think of as many ways as you can in which it would be just awful if you actually got what you wanted.
- Now, read through what you have written.
- Listen to your heart, allow yourself to fully experience what you are feeling. Do you feel any different about the object of your desire? If you are like me, it will feel less charged. Perhaps I still want it, but if I would never receive or attain it, I now know that it would not be the end of the world.
Nuancing expands your horizon and the number of options available
If we do this or something else to bring ourselves and our projections and illusions down to earth, we nuance the way in which we view the goal or vision that has turned into somewhat of an obsession (and hence an obstacle), and we regain a more sober perspective. This will enable us to make better decisions on how to proceed. We will realize that not everything depends on this one thing, and that there are plenty of other possibilities and ways to reach goals and achievements far beyond what we are currently perceiving the one and only option.
How do you alter your perspective?
What is your way of finding out what the right option to choose is from a selection of available alternatives? Tell me!